Comments to: crs@uvm.eduReviewed as of 4/20/98
THIS DOCUMENT WAS PRODUCED BY THE NEW ENGLAND REGIONAL LEADERSHIP
PROGRAM. IT IS POSTED BY THE CENTER FOR RURAL STUDIES FOR PUBLIC
USE. THE CENTER FOR RURAL STUDIES ASSUMES NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR
THE CONTENTS. FOR MORE INFORMATION, REFER TO THE USERS GUIDE.
UNIT 9: PERSONAL SUPPORT AND NETWORKING
INTRODUCTION
We live within a web, a network of relationships with
others--family, co-workers, friends, service professionals,
and acquaintances. Indeed, we cannot think of ourselves as
separate from our relationships. Our sense of who we are,
our self-worth, comes out of the care and responses from the
people closest to us. What we are capable of doing is
similarly dependent on whom we have around us and whom we
know to call upon. The essential goods and services of
human life, both tangible and intangible, derive from the
people around us. When we are under pressure, when we
experience stress, we rarely handle it entirely on our own.
We draw on the experiences and encouragement of friends, and
we seek solace and caring from our loved ones. If we lack
any of these supportive resources, our test will be that
much more difficult, that much more demanding.
Dennis Jaffe and Cynthia Scott, From Burnout to Balance
A very important aspect of feeling our personal power is knowing
that we have the inner capacity to give and receive what we want
and need. Feeling in charge of our lives, as leaders, depends not
only on our skills, abilities, and inner resources, but on the
quality, quantity, and range of the people in our personal and
professional lives. We live within many social networks from which
we receive emotional support, maintain our professional identities,
and obtain information, resources, services, and access to more
social contacts. These are social support groups.
A support system can be defined as a resource pool, drawn on
selectively to support us in moving in a direction of our choice.
The process of activating these contacts and asking for the help we
need to get something accomplished is called networking.
ASSUMPTIONS
þ Strong leadership depends on an individual's ability to
both give and receive the personal and professional
support that is needed.
þ Strong personal support systems are key to the overall
effort of creating change.
þ For leaders, coping with stress and preventing burnout
depend not only on themselves, but also on the support
system they have developed and can depend on.
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
Participants will:
þ Recognize and appreciate the elements of personal and
professional support in their lives.
þ Develop skills in networking and asking for and
receiving the support they want and need.
DEVELOPING AND USING A PERSONAL SUPPORT SYSTEM
Charles Seashore, NTL Reading Book
for Human Relations Training, 1982, NTL Institute
One method of acquiring, maintaining, and demonstrating one's
interpersonal competence is to have a network of supportive
relationships which can be drawn on as needed to help one achieve
one's particular objectives.
There are many different roles that other people can play which
provide support to the individual. A well-developed support system
therefore includes a variety of types of individuals and is not
limited to people who are, say, close or good at listening or
giving advice.
It is a skill to be able to establish, maintain, and effectively
utilize a support system. As with all relationships, support
systems can be difficult to establish, counter-productive and
disappointing at times, and somewhat unpredictable; and they take
energy to maintain. They can also be used as crutches which make
an individual more dependent rather than more resourceful.
Keeping one's support system up-to-date and relevant to one's goals
requires on-going assessment of the kinds of people who are
currently available, letting go those who are not relevant or who
in fact are sabotaging one's efforts, and building in new persons
who could be of assistance.
Supportive people may or may not be aware that they are a part of
your system, and they may or may not be aware of the other persons
who are important in your life. The relationship may be close and
personal or quite distant and impersonal. But it is important that
they be useful and that the relationship be equitable and fair.
It is not necessary that support systems be reciprocal. However,
most of us do function as parts of other persons' support systems.
It is an equally important skill to know how to provide support in
a variety of ways. Analyzing how one becomes part of another`s
support system and how one leaves that relationship can provide a
basis for increasing one's own interpersonal competence.
> Definition of a support system
The definition given below is broken into phrases for the purpose
of emphasizing and elaborating on some of the major issues involved
in building an effective support system:
A support system is:
þ a resource pool
þ drawn on selectively
þ to support me
þ in moving in a direction of my choice
þ and leaves me stronger
The resource pool consists of people, things, environments, and
beliefs. However, here primary emphasis will be given to the
issues concerning people and relationships. The notion of a
resource pool raises several questions for us. It is important for
us to be aware of those individuals who could be potentially a part
of our support system. This requires some skills at scanning our
world and keeping an open mind about the possibility that any given
person may be a relevant resource. It is helpful to be proactive
in reaching out to locate and identify people since it is unlikely
that the appropriate people will all come to us. The size of the
resource pool is important since larger and more complicated
systems require a lot of energy to sustain, while very small
systems may not have the range of resources that you may need. The
composition or variety of people thus becomes an important
criterion in building an effective system.
Drawing on people selectively requires skills in choosing
appropriate persons and keeping those persons who are not
particularly helpful from getting in the way. It involves taking
the risk of asking for support and being rejected or let down. It
may also occasionally require dealing with jealousy and competition
among those people in the system who would like to be asked for
assistance and feel left out when you call on someone else.
Willingness and availability are also obvious requirements for
those people we ask for support.
It is often difficult for many of us to ask others to support us.
It may, for example, arouse feelings of guilt--we may think we're
"imposing." It may feel like an expression of weakness or an
admission of failure. It may go against our values or beliefs that
altruism is more important than taking for ourselves. It also
opens up the fear that we may become dependent on another person
rather than being self-sufficient. It does require that we be open
to help, that we be reasonably clear about the expectations that we
have of them.
To move in a direction of my choice requires that I be able to
distinguish my goals and directions from those of other people and
organizations. Then I can move toward achieving clarity so that I
am in a position to make a declaration of that direction that can
be understood by others. It means making a commitment, even if it
is only for a short time or is somewhat tentative.
Ideally, a good support system will leave me stronger. It
confronts me with my own ambivalence about growth and often will
generate new demands as others perceive my strength. I am also
confronted with letting others know I can do certain things without
them, which means I may lose some relationships.
> Functions of support systems
Support systems can be used for several different purposes,
depending on the situation confronting an individual:
Re-establishing competence: Particularly in times of high stress or
major transitions, we may find ourselves functioning at a very low
level of competence. This may be because of anxiety, the energy it
takes to cope with a crisis, physical and emotional difficulties,
or overload of demands on us by other people. A good support
system can help us cope and return to our previous level of
functioning.
Maintaining high performance: It can be equally important to have
access to resourceful people when one is doing well in order to
maintain that level of activity. Although it may be easier to use
assistance when performing at a high level, many people tend to
neglect their support systems at such times, finding it more
difficult to ask for help.
Gaining new competencies: A somewhat different function of support
systems is to assist in developing new skills. What is needed here
is people who can challenge, serve as teachers and models, and
provide emotional support during periods when one may be feeling
awkward or inept in dealing with new situations.
Achieving specific objectives: Many of the objectives we strive
for cannot be met without collaboration with, and contributions
from, a number of persons. This often requires people who have
skills and resources which we do not have or which we do not desire
to develop.
These functions of support systems are focused primarily on the
individual. They often can help an individual contribute to
organizational goals and objectives, but it is equally important
that support systems be used when individuals find themselves in
conflict or opposition to the directions of other people, groups,
or organizations. They should function to maintain and develop the
integrity of the individual, which may include changing the
organization, creating conflict, or leaving a particular setting.
Support systems are particularly helpful in coping with the stress
that accompanies transitions in relationships, roles and positions,
or careers. Skills in establishing new support systems are
essential for successful transitions into new environments.
> Different types of support system members
Support system members can function in a number of different ways.
Some people fill a variety of roles, while others may offer only a
single type of support. The following list illustrates some of the
different functions of support system members:
Role models--people who can help define goals for positions one
might assume in the future. Role models not only show what is
possible but are a source of valuable information about the
opportunities and problems associated with a given role.
Common interests--people who share common interests or concerns can
be especially important in keeping one motivated, and in sorting
out those problems that are primarily those of the individual from
problems imposed by the larger system and that require collective
activity to bring about change in that system.
Close friends--people who help provide nurturance and caring, who
enjoy some of the same interests, and who keep one from becoming
isolated and alienated.
Helpers--people who can be depended upon in a crisis to provide
assistance. These people are often experts in solving particular
kinds of problems and may not be the type with whom one would
choose to have a close or personal relationship.
Respect competence--individuals who respect the skills one has
already developed and who value the contributions that one makes in
a given situation. They are particularly helpful during times of
transition when one may be feeling unsure of oneself in developing
new skills.
Referral agents--people who can connect one with resources in the
environment through their knowledge of people and organizations.
They can refer one to those places where one can obtain needed
assistance.
Challengers--people who can help motivate one to explore new ways
of doing things, develop new skills, and work toward the
development of latent capabilities. They often are people who one
may not care for as personal friends, but who are abrasive and
demanding.
> Some principles of support systems
Parsimony--An attempt should be made to keep the system as simple
as possible, to minimize the energy it takes to maintain it.
Maintenance--It is wise to keep relationships current so when you
do need to draw on people, they are informed and appreciative of
your need for their assistance.
Equity--It is important that the relationship be one in which both
sides feel there is a fair arrangement, whether it is accomplished
by returning help, payment of money, joint sense of accomplishment,
or whatever else makes sense. Guilt can easily build up when there
is a sense of indebtedness that cannot be repaid.
External support base--The primary base of support for being
competent should be external to the system in which one is using
one's skills. This will enable a person to maximize his or her
autonomy and to engage in conflict when it becomes necessary.
Leaning on people inside the system in which one is trying to be
competent often leads to a sense of dependency. (Paradoxically,
when one is seen as having an external support group, it is more
likely that people inside the system will also turn out to be
supportive.)
Back-up resources--It is wise to have several places one can turn
to for particular kinds of support to reduce the sense of
vulnerability one feels should an individual be unavailable or
unwilling to help in a given circumstance.
Feedback--It is important that feedback be given both ways to check
on how each person feels about the process of giving or receiving
assistance. Helping often creates resistance and/or resentment and
unless there is a means of keeping track of the process, the
relationship is likely to erode over time.
CREATING SUPPORT SYSTEMS
Think about your personal networks and the support people in your
life. Are there some areas where you would like to increase your
resources? Is your support system up to date? Is it meeting your
needs?
Here are some ideas for generating support:
1. Ask for help directly and be receptive when it is offered.
2. Rid yourself of relationships that are not supportive or are
damaging to you.
3. Think about the people in your life with whom you'd like to
improve your relationship and take one step toward this
improvement.
4. Put energy into maintaining high-quality relationships on and
off the job by telling people how much you value their support.
5. Review your present network and make an honest assessment of how
well it is working for you; identify areas where you could use some
changes.
6. Keep your energy exchange balanced, return favors and
thoughtfulness.
It's important to have a positive attitude before asking for
personal support from others. The following points can be used as
guidelines before even one word of your request is uttered:
1. You must believe that you deserve the support you're about to
request. Our beliefs shape the way we present ourselves; believing
that you deserve support may be seen as good self-esteem by others.
This works to your advantage when asking for support. If, for
example, you present yourself as a miserable and pitiable person
who needs support so badly that you simply can't live without it,
you may coerce more people to help you than if you project
self-esteem and worthiness, but you won't have honest support.
Support that is given out of pity may not be what you need.
2. Be specific about what you want and need. Don't overwhelm
others by saying you need support and can't cope. Vague and
general calls for help make it harder for people to give you
support, because they don't know what you're asking of them. Make
it very clear how someone could be supportive to you.
3. Be prepared to ask several people for support, and don't count
on someone being there for you. People may say no for many
reasons; some may have too many other commitments, others may not
be any good at what you're asking. Think carefully about the
people who could give you the support you want, and don't put
yourself down if you don't find the support you want immediately.
Approach your potential supporters with the overall belief that you
deserve what you're asking for, and that you want an outcome that's
good for all people involved.
Comments to: crs@uvm.edu
Reviewed as of 4/20/98