Comments to: crs@uvm.eduReviewed as of 4/20/98
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EXERCISE 5
Conflict Resolution
This an exercise in helping you resolve internal conflicts rather
than conflicts you have with other people, although the basic
points in this exercise can be applied to a conflict situation with
another person.
Think of something that is currently a conflict for you. It should
be a situation in which you have to make a difficult decision and
in which there is no clear choice either way.
1) Identify the problem and possible solutions--All conflicts have
a central problem and possible solutions, both of which should be
very clear to you. With an internal conflict, you should be
careful to isolate the problem and avoid making the problem bigger
than it is by relating it to everything else in your life. Stay
specifically focused on the issue.
(In conflicts with other people, people often confuse the problem
with the person who presents the problem. Furthermore, people will
not even consider a possible solution presented by the "other"
person, despite its merits. Be as rational as possible while
evaluating a conflict situation.)
2) Identify the pro's and con's for each possible solution--Look
carefully at the solutions and try to assess their outcomes. The
reasons your possibilities are good should be evaluated in terms of
how well they solve the problem. Sometimes people make choices
because they have so many good side effects, but the good side
effects may not address the real problem. Choosing the solution
that has the best benefits but does not solve the problem will make
the problem more involved and difficult to solve at a later time,
when it will inevitably resurface. Also, be aware of how your own
personal values affect how you weigh the pro's and con's in each
solution.
(In conflicts with other people, you must listen fully and fairly
to the "other" person's arguments, and you must have that person in
turn listen to you. Furthermore, the merits of a proposal should
continue to be the degree to which it solves the problem, and not
the degree to which it has positive side effects for people.)
3) Look for ways to integrate the solutions--Is there any way for
you to use the best of all your options? Often people get caught
up in "either/or" ways of thinking, without realizing that both
options may be possible.
(In conflicts with other people, this is the extensive process of
negotiation, in which people make offers and counter offers as a
means of finding an acceptable middle ground of agreement. Once
again, it's important to evaluate any "new arrangement" that comes
out of these negotiations with the old question: "Does it address
the real problem?")
4) Make a tentative choice--Decide on a solution. Immediately, ask
yourself how you feel about it. If you feel that it's a wrong
solution, pretend you made the other choice. What you're doing is
testing these decisions. Sometimes people are so afraid of making
a hard decision that they never even "pretend" and imagine the
outcomes of decisions to see how they feel. This is the time of
narrowing your possibilities, so don't be afraid to imagine the
various different decisions and their possible effects on the
problem situation. Think about past experiences with similar
problems, and use your accumulated knowledge to help you evaluate
these options.
(In conflicts with other people, this is the time of narrowing the
negotiation down and refining the solution so it is acceptable to
all parties. Each participant in the negotiation "tries the
decision on" to see if it feels right.)
5) Make the choice and a plan to support it--Many people feel such
relief once they've gone through the difficult work of making a
decision, that they think that the decisionmaking is the last step.
All the hard work may be for naught if there is not a concrete list
of tasks and suggestions for giving the plan of action a fair
chance. Determine a time for implementing the decision, and a time
to evaluate the results, and then stick by the decision until the
evaluation time.
(In conflicts with other people, this planning is extremely
important in order to maintain fairness, and evaluations should
involve all of the participants).
> Further notes on the exercise:
This exercise is essentially a discussion of a plan of action for
handling internal conflict. Internal conflicts often have a basis
in a value conflict, so there should be a little discussion about
personal values during the first steps of the exercise.
Also included are notes about how the plan would be used for the
more obvious example of conflicts between people. Depending upon
the interest of the participants, the exercise could be expanded
using the same steps but focusing specifically on the comments
about personal conflicts. Two people could be chosen to do a role
play of a conflict, with another person to act as a facilitator to
make sure they have equal chances to state their cases, make
offers, etc.
> Time: 10 to 12 minutes for each person to go through the five
steps; 5 minutes for group discussion
Comments to: crs@uvm.edu
Reviewed as of 4/20/98