Comments to: crs@uvm.eduReviewed as of 4/20/98
THIS DOCUMENT WAS PRODUCED BY THE NEW ENGLAND REGIONAL LEADERSHIP
PROGRAM. IT IS POSTED BY THE CENTER FOR RURAL STUDIES FOR PUBLIC
USE. THE CENTER FOR RURAL STUDIES ASSUMES NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR
THE CONTENTS. FOR MORE INFORMATION, REFER TO THE USERS GUIDE.
EXERCISE 1
Creating Personal Change--Part I
How many times have we said to ourselves "that's it...the last
straw. I've had enough and I'm going to change!" How many times
have we been successful in making personal changes?
One author suggests that negative beliefs about ourselves are
powerful barricades against personal change. In Living the Light,
Shakti Gawain offers a strategy for turning negative, untrue
thoughts into affirmations that support positive change. Her
suggestions are adapted on the worksheet below:
> Instructions:
1) Write a general goal statement expressing a change (e.g., I'd
like to spend more time with my family). Under the goal statement,
make three equal columns.
2) In the first column, write down as many of your beliefs as you
can about your goal. (For the above goal one might list beliefs
about work, responsibility to family and parents, and leisure
time). Write down any and all beliefs that come to mind, even if
they don't make sense or seem connected. Keep writing, the more
the better. This gives your conscious as well as your unconscious
thoughts a chance to be seen.
3) Examine these beliefs, and in the second column note where you
got them: parents, teachers, siblings, friends. Look at those that
affect you most deeply and observe the memories and connections
that surface.
4) Look over the beliefs again. Identify the ones that are no
longer serving you. Ask yourself what is preventing you from
letting go of these beliefs.
5) When you've identified your negative beliefs, the next step is
to let go of them. Realize they've served you for years. If you
want, thank them for the service they've provided and let them know
you are now willing to let go of them. An affirmation some find
helpful in letting go is: I am now willing to let go.
6) In the third column create an affirmation to counteract and
correct each negative belief. Here are some guidelines:
a) The affirmation should be short, as simple as possible, and
meaningful for you.
b) It should be in the present tense, as if it were already
happening.
c) It should use your name.
d) The affirmation should directly relate to your negative belief
and turn it into a positive, expansive one.
e) Your affirmation should feel exactly right for you. It may
cause a strong emotional feeling. If it's not right, try
changing it until it is. Then:
7) Some examples of affirmations are appended to the worksheet.
When you have written your affirmation, incorporate it in your
day-to-day living perhaps using the following techniques:
þ Say your affirmation silently to yourself in meditation,
picturing everything working out perfectly, as you want
it.
þ If you have a partner, have your partner say your
affirmation to you, using your name and looking deeply
into your eyes.
þ After he or she says it, you say..."Yes, that's true."
þ Write your affirmation 10 or 20 times a day. If negative
thoughts arise, write them on the back of the paper, then
keep writing the affirmation on the front until it feels
clear.
This process will help you examine your beliefs and bring to
consciousness hidden beliefs. You can use this process any time to
clear away negatives that stand in the way of achievement of your
goal.
As Shakti Gawain states "this process will help you examine your
beliefs and bring to consciousness hidden beliefs...(using the
process) to clear away negatives that stand in the way (of reaching
your goal)."
8) Now that you have created some affirmations, go on to Part II
and complete the worksheet according to the instructions.
9) Finally, you may wish to use the checklist that follows Part II
as an additional aid to creating personal change.
CREATING PERSONAL CHANGE WORKSHEET
Goal (I want to achieve the following):
Part I: Changing Negative Belief to Affirmation
Beliefs Source of Beliefs Affirmation
CREATING PERSONAL CHANGE -- PART 2
l.What are some of the positive things that might happen if I reach
this goal?
2. What are my chances for success?
_____ very good Why do I feel this way?
_____ good
_____ fair
_____ poor
_____ very poor
3. What are some of the negative things that might happen if I
reach this goal?
4. What could keep me from reaching this goal?
____ I don't really have the skills, ability, and/or knowledge
needed.
____ I don't want it badly enough to really work for it.
____ I'm afraid I might fail.
____ I'm afraid of what others might think.
____ Others don't want me to reach this goal.
____ The goal is really too difficult to ever accomplish.
____ I have negative beliefs about myself and my goal.
Some other reasons might be:
5. What could I do so the above things don't prevent me from
reaching my goal?
6. Do I still want to try to reach this goal?
_____ yes _____ no _____ undecided
7. Who can help me?
8. What are some first steps I could take to reach this goal?
9. What else must I do if I am really to succeed?
10. Am I going to take the above steps?
_____ yes _____ no _____ still undecided
11. If my answer to #10 is Yes, I make the following self-contract:
SELF CONTRACT
I,_____________________ have decided to try to achieve the goal of
_________________________________________________________________
_____________________.
The first step I will take to reach this goal will be to _________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
by _______________________________________________________________
______________________.
My target date for reaching this goal is___________________________
____________________.
Date_______________ Signed____________________________________
Witnessed by ________________________________
> Examples of Affirmations
I make clear choices and communicate them to others.
I assert myself in a cooperative, caring way.
I am in charge of my life.
I am an equal partner in my relationship with
________________________.
I feel at home in my body.
I communicate my needs and feelings clearly.
I am a growing and changing woman/man.
I learn and grow from new experiences and changes.
I am courageous in new situations.
I say "no" easily and effectively when that is what I need to do.
I energize myself by taking care of my needs.
I nurture myself the way I nurture others.
I feel valued and valuable.
I respect myself and receive the respect of others.
I know who I am, what I like, and what I need.
I express my opinions easily.
I welcome positive strokes because I need and deserve them.
I accept compliments easily and let them in.
I am in touch with the power in my body, mind, heart, and spirit.
I believe in myself.
I appreciate my accomplishments.
I accept my mistakes compassionately as part of what living and
growing are all about.
I have a right to express my feeling and communicate what I want.
I feel better when I say what I am feeling and communicate what I
want.
I show that I respect myself and achieve respect from others when
I stand up for my rights.
I do what is right for me and therefore feel better about myself
and have more honest and satisfying relationships with others.
I'm glad I'm a woman/man.
I ask for help when I need it.
I receive from others joyfully.
I provide others with opportunities to give to me.
I can be strong and still have needs.
I accept myself completely here and now.
I love myself completely as I am, and I'm getting better all the
time.
I'm glad I was born and I love being alive.
I can disagree and still respect and be respected.
I maintain balance in my life.
I love my body and take good care of it.
I trust myself, my thoughts, feelings, intuition.
I trust the future.
I have the energy I need to do as I choose.
I face my fears and turn them into challenges and opportunities.
I am lovable and capable.
I heal myself.
My home is a place of rest and rejuvenation for me.
I trust my ability to create a meaningful balance in my life.
I open my heart with strength and wisdom.
I attract supportive people to my life.
I love my feelings and trust that when I communicate them clearly
I will be understood.
My heart is strong and trusting.
I am gentle with myself.
I balance my creative energies.
I contribute to the warm and caring atmosphere in my home.
I easily flow with change.
I choose love.
I bring a sense of playfulness to my work.
I integrate my heart with my work.
I love and accept my body.
I am good to my body and my body is good to me.
I deserve and love pleasure.
The more I love myself, the more I love _______________________.
My relationship with________________is growing happier and more
fulfilling every day.
I believe in myself, I am confident and I enjoy taking risks.
I welcome conflict into my life as an opportunity for growth.
I create my own reality.
HELP FOR CHANGING BEHAVIOR
The following suggestions have been helpful to other people as they
have worked on improving their personal effectiveness. As you
review these suggestions, check the ones that seem particularly
meaningful and build them into your personal growth plan. How do
these items fit into your personal/professional goals?
1.____ Pinpoint one specific behavior that you want to do something
about. Don't try to "cover the waterfront."
2.____ In setting your goal, check and see if it is specific,
attainable, and one for which you will know if you make progress.
3.____ Build in a process of accountability involving a significant
other person or persons. This can help ensure a greater degree of
follow through.
4.____ Build in a support system using your family or friends. Let
them know what you're trying to do and share your success with
them.
5.____ Take some time and examine your own personal reasons for
wanting to change. List the positive benefits that will come to
you as you make a change.
6.____ Be sure to set some sub-goals that can be achieved fairly
readily. This helps keep motivation high as you move toward your
major goal.
7.____ The power of positive thinking is real. Your mind has a
powerful influence on your behavior. Learn to direct your inner
strength toward your goal.
8.____ Mental conditioning can help in another way. Get a concrete
picture of yourself in your mind as you function in the most
effective ways. Spend some time each morning in mental
conditioning, affirming yourself as you want to be.
9.____ Build in some rewards for yourself as you achieve each sub-
goal. Identify these as you begin your program and write them
down. As you achieve them, make sure you get the reward.
10.___ Use reinforcers that fit into your daily pattern of living.
It may be a poster on the wall or book on your desk. Repaint a
room or rearrange some furniture.
11.___ Dieting, fasting, exercise, and meditation are other ways of
helping keep you on the track.
12.___ Positive people can be helpful in many ways. Regularly
include time with people who bring out the best in you.
13.___ Put yourself on a regular schedule or program. Work on a
"piece-rate basis" (for example, force yourself to write so many
pages a day or do a certain number of exercises.)
14.___ Guard against trying to do too much at once. Expectations
that are set too high can lead to discouragement and
self-punishment.
15.___ Many people have difficulty planning because they regard it
only as "thinking," which too often translates into day dreaming.
It is much better to conceive of planning as writing.
16.___ Set specific dates for the accomplishment of your primary
goal and each sub-goal.
17.___ If you use your imagination, you will find innumerable
reasons for doing little or nothing. By applying your imagination
in constructive ways, you can find ways and means to improve your
effectiveness.
18.___ One of these days is none of these days. Do it now!
Adapted from a checklist by Dr. Ron Daly, National Program Leader,
Human Development and Family Relations, Extension Service, HEHN,
USDA.
Comments to: crs@uvm.edu
Reviewed as of 4/20/98