What You Say and How I Hear It

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                 WHAT YOU SAY AND HOW I HEAR IT


How do you make people aware of the fact that they may hear what
other people are saying but they aren't really listening?

Too often many of us don't really listen.  It seems we are
bombarded everywhere we turn by sophisticated media attempting to
sell us everything it can, even if we don't need it.  We've been
conditioned by television and radio to tune out many of their
pounding commercials.  Many of us hear the commercials but we have
adapted in such a way that we don't really listen to them.  And
that adaptation somehow has become a part of us in all our
activities from work, to play, to meetings.  So some of the blame
for the lack of listening skills in group meetings is that we are
overloaded with information, words, and stimuli.  We have to shut
off at some point.  Groups that have poor listeners in their
membership are inevitably headed for conflict.  It's analogous to
the generation gap which is really a communication gap.  Parents
and children hear each other but they are not really understanding
each other.

Some of us never realize the difference.  If you have ever tried to
give directions for an exercise to a group, you may have
experienced how people don't listen.  It's been found that writing
all directions down on newsprint so everyone can read them, or
handing out individual copies usually helps.  But there are still
those who don't listen even when the act of "listening" is with
their eyes.

This point can be tested in your own group by using the exercise
that follows. 





CREDIT: Robert C. Biagi, Cooperative Extension, University of
Massachusetts, Amherst.

• Lois M. Frey, UVM Extension, RR #4, Box 2298, Montpelier, VT 05602, (802) 223-2389, email: lfrey@sover.net
• "Group Development: Creating Group Effectiveness" by Duane Dale, DFD Associates, 99 Brattle Street, Cambridge, MA 02138-3402 (moving to 764 South East Street, Amherst, MA 01022 after 8/1/98);
• Bob Biagi, 142 Cherry Lane, Amherst, MA 01002 (413) 549-1412;

Comments to: crs@uvm.edu
Reviewed as of 4/20/98