Exercise 17: What You Say and How You Say It

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                       EXERCISE SEVENTEEN
                 WHAT YOU SAY AND HOW YOU SAY IT


For those of us who are accustomed to relying on verbal
communications to get an idea across, the area of non-verbal
communication is a difficult one.  An understanding of non-verbal
communication, however, can make a group much more sensitive to
individual needs.  The following is a quick introductory exercise,
which sets the tenor for the rest of the unit.


>> Part 1

1. Turn to the person next to you.

2. Each of you has three minutes to tell your partner about a time
when you agreed with what a person said to you but you felt bad,
intimidated, resentful, or put down about how it was said to you.

3. After the exercise is completed, the facilitator should start
the discussion around the reasons people felt the way they did.


>> Part 2

(This part can be done as an exercise or it can be explained and
then discussed.)

1. This is done the same way as the previous task.  Partners have
three minutes each to discuss a situation in which they strongly
disagreed with someone but came away from the interchange having
enjoyed it, even though they didn't "win."

2. After the exercise, the facilitator should center the discussion
on the possible reasons for this feeling.  (It is hoped that the
group would bring out the important overriding factors motivating
these feelings--trust and respect.)


>> Variation: Half of the pairs could be given the Part 1 question
Part 1, and half the Part 2 question.  In this way the discussion
could bring in a good deal more data that much more quickly.

Experience has shown that groups need very little introduction or
coaching to come up with the concepts of trust and respect.  This
is an important point for a facilitator/trainer.  Most of the ideas
and concepts in the field of group process are already known and
felt by participants.  The workshop exercise is really only a tool
to help people become aware of what they already feel about others
and to apply it to themselves.

• Lois M. Frey, UVM Extension, RR #4, Box 2298, Montpelier, VT 05602, (802) 223-2389, email: lfrey@sover.net
• "Group Development: Creating Group Effectiveness" by Duane Dale, DFD Associates, 99 Brattle Street, Cambridge, MA 02138-3402 (moving to 764 South East Street, Amherst, MA 01022 after 8/1/98);
• Bob Biagi, 142 Cherry Lane, Amherst, MA 01002 (413) 549-1412;

Comments to: crs@uvm.edu
Reviewed as of 4/20/98